


Atonement

by MikeWriter312



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-22 02:00:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17050937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikeWriter312/pseuds/MikeWriter312
Summary: Hannah is dead. She killed herself, leaving Clay heartbroken and alone. There's nothing he can do about it...Or is there? If you could have one chance to rewrite the past...would you? Clay is given an opportunity to make things right. But time is short. Could he save Hannah's life or is history destined to repeat itself?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I for one am a huge fan of 13 reasons why. I consider it to be one of the most beautiful, touching and tragic stories I've ever read/watched. The show isn't without flaws and season 2 was a massive let-down. But to me Season 1 was perfect even though they changed some stuff from the book which always happens with adaptations as well as fan-fics. Anyways I was severely disappointed in Season 2 and while it had its share of amazing moments by the truly talented cast, it was overall a mess that was bogged down by moments of shock value and out of character moments that to me undervalued the message of the first season. 
> 
> So after a lot of thought, I decided I wanted to make my own sequel to this beloved tale about heartbreak, loss and the importance of compassion/empathy. I know that some of you may disagree with my premise or outright hate it. If you are either or, this fic may not be for you. But for those of you with an open-mind... well please read on. I hope you enjoy it!

**Prologue** -

 

Clay stood on top of the cliff with the view of the city in front of him. The lights of the buildings shined and illuminated the sky, making it seem like a series of multi-colored lamps scattered across a blanket of darkness. He was standing at the very edge, contemplating his next step. Forwards or backwards. He had listened to his tape and he was barely able to keep himself from falling apart into the depths of already broken soul. It was him… All this time it was him. He was the reason why Hannah was gone.

 

“Clay… I think you gotta get back from that edge.” Tony asked, struggling to keep his voice from shaking.

 

“Why? Why shouldn’t I just jump, just let go?” Clay asked indignantly with a growing, sickening feeling that maybe this is what he should do. Not being able to live with himself over what he could have prevented. How was he any better than the others that wronged her?

 

“So you can die?.. Reunite with Hannah forever?” Tony asked questioningly stepping towards clay slowly but with caution as if he was the one teetering on the mercy of gravity.

 

“Oh fuck you Tony.”

 

“You think you could’ve changed anything? What does that make you? God?”

 

Clay thought about this in a moment. No. It doesn’t. But maybe If I had done something different…I should’ve -- “I should have stayed with Hannah.”

 

“She told you to go.”

 

“I should’ve told her, should’ve told said--

 

“What? You think you could’ve said something that could have changed any of this?”

 

Clay thought hard and it suddenly occurred to him. All those times he held back everything he was feeling out of fear of rejection and the one time he might have been free to do so he decided not to. But if he had, it might have saved her life.

 

“I could’ve said… I’m not going…”

 

“She said, “Get the hell out of here.”

 

“No. No I won’t go.

 

“Get out.”

“No.”

 

“Get the fuck out!”

  


“Not until you-- _tell me what’s wrong. Clay asked in a quiet defiance._

 

_“Leave me alone!” Hannah shouted, holding back tears and looking away from him in shame. “Just leave me alone..”_

 

_Hurt by these words, Clay started to button up his shirt. “I thought it was okay.” Speaking as if he was telling this to himself._

 

_“I don’t want you here. Get OUT!”_

 

_“No… No I’m not leaving. I have to try.” Clay thought to himself. Taking a breath he approached her again. Reaching out his hand to touch her shoulder, to which she reacted violently by jerking herself away._

 

_“Get the FUCK OUT!” She yelled. There was something in her voice. Clay thought as much; a lack of sincerity._

 

_“OK! I’ll go.” Clay said, taking a step back. Intimidated by her response, but nonetheless he was determined. “Tell me what’s going on. Tell me what’s wrong.”_

 

_“You don’t wanna be with me Clay.”_

 

_“But I do. I really do.”_

 

_“You know what people will say!?”_

 

_“No. And I don’t care.”_

 

_“Because it’s easy for you right? Because you’re not the class slut.”_

 

_“Don’t say that.”_

 

_“Everybody says it.”_

 

_“I don’t say it!”_

 

_“Yes you did! When you saw that picture!”_

 

_Clay remembered that picture. He remembered what he felt but also remembered what he thought. Justin. Always Justin. Why do girls like him so much? He’s an asshole yet the guy never seems to not have an entourage of options. He remembered thinking, why her? Why couldn’t he catch a break and have a chance at falling for someone that wasn’t another possible notch on Justin’s belt? He was angry at the time. So selfishly angry that he didn’t truly see past his own grievances  “I didn’t believe it.” He replied with certainty. Then the words came out before he could even think._

_“I was angry for a minute. Because I was jealous of Justin. And I was mad at you for wanting him and not me. And I was an asshole and I’m sorry and I can never make it right. I can never say this to you but… I love you. And I will never hurt you…”_

 

_“Clay…” Hannah said as she slowly turned her head towards him. Instead of sadness, her face seemed bitter now._

 

_“I’m not going. Not now. Not ever.” He said and believed in with all his heart._

 

 _“I love you Hannah.” Clay confessed. Three little words he had always felt but could never say. This girl that meant so much to him and yet he couldn’t bring himself to show it._   
_  
_“Why didn’t you say this to me when I was alive?” She said with a tear dropping down her face. The words crushed him inside. Because he knew. He was too afraid to love her and it costed her life. But in that moment, he could at least do what he should have done. Hannah turned away and Clay moved to put his arms around her. Holding her tight and not wanting to ever let go.

 

Tears were streaming from Clay’s eyes as he was thrusted back into the cold and harsh world that was reality. He couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t save her. “I killed her…” Clay thought. “She needed me and I killed her… How am I supposed to live with that?” he asked himself. Then as if this was an answer, Clay took a step forwards. He could hear Tony screaming something at him but he couldn’t make it out. His body moved at a whim not his own. It was as if he was being pushed by some invisible force. His next step was over air and time slowed down as he felt himself tumble forwards. Closing his eyes, Clay thought to himself, “This is it. This is how it ends. I can’t live like this anymore… I’m sorry Hannah… Please… wherever you are... forgive me.” Then all went black…

 

 

 

\------------------------------------------------  


There was a buzzing noise next to his ear. A pause. Then another one and another one following the last. Clay opened his eyes. The buzzing noise continued and he looked frantically everywhere to find the source of the vibrations. His gaze settled to his phone set upside down his desk. “What?” he asked out-loud as he reached over to grab it. It was his alarm clock. It read - 7:15.

 

"Shit…”Clay said. Had it all been a dream? It all seemed so real though. He remembered listening to Tape 11 and he remembered he was with Tony in his precious red 68 Mustang. He remembered walking off the ledge of that hill and… nothing. He had some realistic dreams before but none of them like this. This one felt like a memory. Like it had happened last night… But yet here he was, and school was gonna start soon. “It doesn’t matter.” He thought. Nothing much does anymore. Hannah’s still dead. And he helped kill her. That’s what he was sure of, if nothing else. Going to school was the last place he wanted to be in less than an hour, but nevertheless Clay got up. Somehow he still had to make things right… for Hannah’s sake and the sake of his own sanity. Putting on a fresh shirt he packed his backpack when he heard another buzz on his phone. “It’s probably Tony.” Clay thought yet didn’t fully believe. Tony wasn’t the type to do this kind of thing early in the day even if it was just to check in on him. His first inclination was to ignore it but the power of curiosity compelled him to do otherwise. Unlocking it, he opened the message and when he did his eyes widened and he gasped, nearly dropping his smart phone on the wooden floor beneath him.

 

MSG from Hannah Baker - “Morning Clay… “

 

Clay blinked hard and rubbed his eyes. “God. Am I’m going crazy?” He asked himself. It can’t be real. Had he forgotten to delete Hannah's number? If so, that was probably another part of himself that just couldn't let go. He thought to himself that this has to be some sick joke meant to toy with his emotions and he had enough of that as it was. As he began angrily typing he received another message.

 

MSG from Hannah Baker - “Don’t forget. We’re covering shifts at the Crestmont today :) See you at school?”

 

OK this was going too far. He had quit his job there soon after Hannah’s life ended. Clay couldn’t bear to to spend another day there… Too many memories and all too painful of a reminder of how it used to be. This has to be prank. It has to be. “But then again..” he wondered, “Whoever they were. How did they have her number?”. Whatever the case, it was too early in the day and he did not feel like playing along with whatever this was. Tossing his phone aside, he packed his backpack and hopped in the shower as per his usual morning ritual in preparation for the day ahead. Practically gulping down a bowl of cereal for breakfast, he got on his bike and rode quickly to the school. Liberty High. The place that took Hannah’s life. At least that’s how he looked at it. In his mind he wondered if it would’ve been better had she never moved here in the first place. Sure he never would have met her, but at the same time, she may have been spared the pain she had to endure that lead to her death. He often thought about this subject, how one thing led to another like a domino effect. Or as Hannah put it, “the butterfly effect.” or “chaos theory”. He could hear her voice when she described it.

 

_“You’ve heard of the butterfly effect right? That if a butterfly flaps its wings at just the right time and at just the right place. It can cause a hurricane.”_

 

Clay gripped his bike handlebars tightly as he approached the school. He was angry. Angry at how helpless he was to stop everything that happened. Angry at how in a lot of ways, he let this happen to her. Because he was a coward and was scared of his own feelings. But even now, he had the power to do something. To make that evil piece of shit Bryce Walker pay for what he did. Clay didn’t necessarily know how he was going to do this, but one way or another it had to be done.

 

Parking his bike, Clay locked it and walked in the direction of the school, arriving just in time for the doors to open. A sea of students were heading the same direction, and Clay did his best not to bump into anyone. But something caught his eye. Something that made him stop dead in his tracks. In the crowd of people he saw Hannah behind a door, who was apparently the first in line. Clay froze, feeling his blood running cold. It was like he was seeing a ghost. Rubbing his eyes he saw that she had caught sight of him and her face lit up. Standing on her tippy toes, she waved at him. Clay could only look in shock and remained stuck in place like his shoes were nailed to the ground. Soon her smile faded and her face turned into a look of confusion as her arm slowly came down by the side of her pocket jeans. Clay turned around and almost broke into a sprint to the bathrooms. Slamming the door behind him, he went to the sink, turned on the faucet and splashed water on his face. He stared at himself in the mirror and attempted to understand what he just witnessed. Was he really losing it? It felt so real. Like she was really there, right in front of him. “Get ahold of yourself Jenson…” He mentally told himself, “Hannah’s dead and you haven’t gotten a lot of sleep the past few days. You’re just seeing what you want to see.”

 

Taking a few deep breaths, Clay gathered himself and headed to class. For now he needed to concentrate on getting through the day without having a nervous breakdown. Opening the door, he walked at a brisk pace. Arriving at class he sat at his desk in a rush. Trying to relax felt like an impossible task, but he took out his workbook and took a looked at his notes for Literature & Compositions class. But upon taking a glance, he saw that something was off. No this can’t be right. The notes he had written a week earlier were gone! “How…?” he thought. He knew he had the right notebook but opening it up, the only notes he could find were of 3 months ago. Sitting backwards, he put his hands in his hair, dimly aware that a few others were staring at him in confusion. Putting his hands down he attempted to act natural. Their teacher was late today and the students were caught in each others conversations. Looking around he saw the date: August 8th. “Holy shit” he whispered to himself. As he said that the class started and Clay sat straight in his chair, stiff as a statue, reliving past events. “This is unreal… This has to be a dream.” He kept saying to himself as the rest of the day past unusually slowly. His body seemed to be moving and reacting automatically throughout the day until he reached Communications Class. Clay knew this was the class he shared with Hannah and if she was there. It was here where Clay’s mind seemed to jumpstart in order to comprehend the situation. He was in the past. As insane as it sounds it was the only conclusion he could draw. But he couldn’t believe it. Why here? Why now? None of it added up. Hannah was dead! He was sure of that but maybe she wasn’t… at least not yet. The thought filled Clay with both dread and excitement. Maybe he wasn’t losing it. Whatever this was, he needed to confirm it.


	2. Chapter 2

  

The door to the class opened and he had to stop himself from running inside. Finding a seat right next to the one Hannah usually sat in, he put his hands on his lap and realized he was shaking. Mrs.Bradley began her usual routine and after disclosing some plans for the week with the overachievers who couldn’t wait to find out, she began taking roll call. “Pratters?” She said and Pratters raised his hand.

 

“Laura?”

 

“Here.”

 

“Sheri?”

 

“Here.”

 

“Jenny?”

 

“Here.”

 

Clay?”

 

His own name fell on deaf ears and Clay didn’t answer. “Clay Jensen? Are you with us today?” Mrs.Bradley asked. Clay shifted in his seat and without looking up he answered, “Here.”

The roll calling continued and Clay he held his hands anxiously waiting to hear her name.

 

“Javen?”

 

“Here.”

 

“Hannah?” Mrs.Bradley called out while scanning the room. “Hannah Baker?” she repeated. Mrs. Bradley then took out a pen to mark her as absent when the phone rang. Putting down her clipboard she answered it.“Oh… left early? Okay… will do.” Hanging up she picked up her clipboard and resumed the roll call. Clay looked at Hannah’s empty seat. He wondered where she may have gone off to and he was about to make an excuse to leave but remembered the text he read when he woke up. Either way he was going to see Hannah. He just needed to get through the day and head straight for the Crestmont. He just needed to see her and maybe this would all start to clear up.

 

When school was over he quite literally bolted out the door of the classroom, hopping on his bike he pedaled faster and harder than he’s ever done in his life. For the first time in a long time, he felt truly hopeful. Like it was going to be okay. Everything seemed clear. The colors of the neighborhood shined brighter around him. It felt like something off of a cheesy commercial he’d see on TV, only it actually applied in a way that he could relate to. Arriving to the Crestmont, he braked hard and skidded at the entrance leaving a faint trail of tire treads on the sidewalk. He locked his bike and sped over to the theater, clutching his backpack in hand, he opened the doors and there she was. Hannah Baker. As beautiful as he remembered her, with her pretty locks of hair long and not cut down short like it was at the end. This was the Hannah he wanted to remember - the Hannah he knew and had fallen in love with. She was at the concession stand ahead of him. For a moment he was stunned. It felt like he was dreaming and for all of a few seconds he actually considered the possibility that it was a fantasy. That he’d wake up back to the miserable reality that he’d been forced to live through, being haunted by the ghost of her voice. Telling him the story of how her life ended so brutally. Pushed to die to her own hand by the cruelty of the world. But here she was. Alive inside and out. Doing the mundane routine of her part-time job and it all seemed so perfect. As if this was how it was meant to be. She didn’t notice him at first, but sensing his presence, she looked up. “Hey!” she said with a tone of someone amused. He smiled at her as she walked towards him. Clay fought to hold back tears.

 

 _“Love the helmet. It’s adorable.”_ Clay heard these words in his head clear as day. He had genuinely forgotten he was still wearing the bulky thing, having gotten too caught up in his excitement. The words sounded familiar and then it dawned on him that it was another memory of before.

 

“Love the helmet. It’s adorable.” She said, returning the smile. Clay’s hands stretched upwards and unsnapped the straps, taking it off awkwardly in a way that made Hannah have to suppress a giggle.

 

_“You mean adorable in a helpless baby animal sort of way, I’m guessing?”_

 

“You mean adorable in a helpless baby animal sort of way, I’m guessing? Clay said on cue like he was reading a script. Yet at the same time it felt so natural. He was being swept away in reliving the past and it was one moment he did not wish to change. Besides, it wasn’t like he had a perfect memory.

 

“Aren’t you afraid of helmet hair?” Hannah asked curiously.

 

“My hair does the same thing no matter what, it just sits there.” Clay said with security, having accepted it despite everything.

 

“Hm…” She said, reaching into his hair and gently pushing the strands to the side. “You just need some product. A little effort to style it and blow-dry it every morning.”

 

“And sacrifice my masculinity?” Clay said with proud sarcasm.

 

“That ship has sailed don’t you think?” Hannah retorted with a sly smirk as she lead him away from the counter.

 

“Forgive me for wanting to keep my brains inside my head.” Clay responded following her.  
  
“Instead of some other regions like most boys? Hannah said. Tapping him, the arm she picked up a mop and bucket. “Come on Helmet. You’ve got bathrooms to clean.”

 

“You mean “we’ve” got.” He said.

 

“Mmm... I don’t actually,” Hannah corrected while handing him the cleaning tools in her hand. She had stopped abruptly and Clay almost crashed into her. Turning around quickly with her hair flipping on her shoulder, she added, “Oh, uh, party at my house tomorrow night. You’re invited, its mandatory. Don’t bring the helmet.”

 

“The party”, Clay thought. The night where it all began. He almost responded by saying he knew already and would be there. But he bit his tongue. She hadn’t even told him where she lived yet.  

 

“Uh cool. Where do you live?” He asked tentatively.

 

“I’ll text you my address.” She said. “ Talk after the shift is over?”

 

“Sure. I’m having a late start anyway.” Clay said. Hannah only nodded, and walked back to her spot in the counter just in time to meet a moviegoer who was looking to buy some high-priced candy.

 

Clay remembered Kat’s going away party. The night Hannah saw Justin and got smitten with him. “God, why do girls like him so much?” He thought to himself. He knew Justin since middle school and he always seemed to have an entourage of girls chasing after him. Justin never did anything to him personally, at least not until after Hannah’s death. Stealing his bike and pressuring him to chug down that disgusting 40 liter bottle of malt liquor, forcing him to bike home drunk. But even so Clay had to grudgingly admit that pre-Hannah Justin was kind of a decent guy, in fact, there were many times where they spoke to each other and he could have sworn they would have made good friends had Justin not ran with the wrong crowd. Namely Bryce Walker and his crew of jocks that “ran” the school. That was just how it always was though. Clay was known around his classmates as “the nice guy”. “Nice-guy-Clay.” Someone you could always count on but not someone that knew how to be popular or interact with girls without getting tongue-tied by his nervousness. At least this was before he met Hannah. She brought out the best in him, a part of himself that he had never seen. It was a feeling Clay had not felt before and he couldn’t explain it. Everytime he was around her, he became Clay Jenson 2.0. New and improved, the ideal self he always had trouble tapping into. If he had to guess, Clay thought he would have had much more success on a social level had he discovered this part about himself earlier in his life. Now though, it was something he sought to harness.

 

As Clay fell into deep thought, time gradually got away from him, pondering over the absurd situation he found himself in. Why him? Why did he get to have another chance? Clay wondered how this could have happened, but the more he thought about it, the more confusing it became. Was it a miracle? An act of God? A hole in the space-time continuum? Better yet, did it matter what it was? These kinds of questions gave him headaches. Whatever it was, it wasn’t a subject he needed to concern himself with. What really mattered to him most was saving Hannah. He hated what she did. She didn’t need to do it. But maybe it wasn’t about what she needed as much as it was about what she wanted and why she did it. If Clay were to guess, Hannah never actually wanted to die but to her there was no other way to escape the pain. She was hurt, and when you’re hurting that badly… Sometimes you’ll do anything to make it stop. Then it occured to Clay. He may not have known how he was thrown back in time, but he did know why. He wanted more than anything to have Hannah back and for reasons he may not ever understand or comprehend his wish was granted.

 

Now it was a matter of how he could have her back without losing her all over again. History repeating himself was an idea that scared Clay. He very well knew that he had to stop Hannah from dating Justin, that much was certain. Yet how would he do it? Ask Tony for a “favor” and have him make sure Justin didn’t make it to the party? No that wouldn’t work. Either A - he would have to explain himself which wasn’t really an option or B - Tony would say yes and Justin could get seriously hurt. He didn’t want that either. Clay also couldn’t convince him not to go to the party. His family situation being what it was, the guy would take any excuse to leave his house. Lost in his thoughts, Clay jumped at the sound of his alarm ringing from his pocket. Clay had forgotten that he usually set a timer for when his shift was over so he could leave on time. Taking out his cellphone, he turned off the alarm and then it hit him. “That’s it!” Clay thought. He remembered that Justin was only able to meet Hannah at the park that night because he had a means of contacting her. All he needed to do to pull it off was get ahold of his phone, then “accidently” drop it hard enough so he’d have to replace it. Take that away and goodbye Tape number 1. It sounded risky, but at this point, Justin had no reason not to take Clay at his word had he needed to “borrow” it for an emergency call the day of the party.

 

Finishing up, he went to the concession stand to help Hannah clean-up, having clocked out at the same time. They worked in silence until Hannah broke it.

 

“So… what was that about this morning?” she asked while wiping the counters.

 

“What do you mean? Clay asked a bit startled.

 

“I waved to you at school today. Don’t play dumb, I know you saw me because you looked straight at me.” Hannah said without looking at him.

 

“I uhh…” Clay began. What could he tell her? “Oh.. yeah that. You died Hannah, a few months from now so I wasn’t sure how to react to you being alive again.” It was the truth but had he said this, she would probably think he belonged in an insane asylum of some sort or was just really weird in the kind of way you’d feel about someone with a mental disorder but wouldn’t dare say out loud for the sake of decency. He hadn’t thought this part out so he was forced to improvise.

  
“I wasn’t looking at you. In fact I wasn’t really staring at anything… I just remembered I forgot to work on a project and I was worried about my grades. Gotta have a good start to the year ya know.” He explained, trying to act sure of himself. Hannah only stared at him, with her eyes slightly squinted. “What was she doing?” he thought. Did she see right through him? Granted the project excuse was overused but at this point in time she was still new here. So she shouldn’t have to think twice right?

 

“A project?... This early in the year?” Hannah asked with ambivalence.

 

“Totally… Pretty stupid right? Welcome to Liberty High.” Clay said, trying to sell it as best he could.

 

“Yeah… You can say that.” Hannah replied, still giving him a suspicious look but it was a little more relaxed this time and the silence creeped up yet again. There were a lot of things Clay wanted to talk to Hannah about, but it wasn’t the right time or place. “Well that’s it!” Hannah announced, when a chime made her take out her phone. “And just in time too. My ride’s here.” she said, picking up her backpack. “Parents?” Clay asked.

 

“Uber” she answered, making her way to the exit. No way he was letting her go that way.

 

“Hannah?” he called out.

 

“Yeah?” Hannah asked patiently, turning around. Walking up to her, Clay felt the need to kiss her, the way he did that night at Jessica’s party. But no. It was too early for that.

 

“um… It was great seeing you today. Seriously.” Clay said. It sounded random and out of place but he needed to say how he felt. Even if it was just partially. He expected her reaction to be confused or her response to be a witty sarcastic comment on Clay’s love for the dramatic. But it wasn’t either of the those. Instead, Hannah looked at him with endearment. Blushing a little at the sincerity of his tone. She didn’t fully understand where this was coming from, yet she appreciated it nonetheless. There was also something about it. Hannah couldn’t explain the feeling but it was real. She felt a strong sense of nostalgia. Up until now, it was as if she hadn’t seen him in a very long time and the words felt more meaningful than they should have.

 

“Thanks Clay… you too.” Hannah said, then without thinking about it she hugged him. Clay received it with predictable awkwardness. Then she walked away quickly. Clay saw her go into the car and kept watching until she was out of sight.

 

Returning home, Clay had dinner with his parents as usual. Mrs.Jenson made pork-chops and being struck with a sudden case of extreme hunger, Clay ate four plates worth much to his mother’s pleasant surprise. For some time she had been experimenting with different recipes and Clay wolfing down her meal reminded her of an item she missed at the grocery outlet. So she left the house to pick it up and Mr.Jenson followed, not wanting her to go out alone at such a late hour. Clay noticed this and briefly thought about how him doing the same thing if he was married… Especially if his wife was Hannah. Pushing the idea away, he headed upstairs.

 

In his room Clay laid in bed. Tired but satisfied at the days events. There was still a lot that needed to be done, but for now he needed the rest, feeling as though that he hadn’t had a good night sleep in months. Clay’s eyes grew heavy and he was about to go to sleep when a cold draft come over him. “It’s summer… how am I cold?” Clay thought. Shivering, he got up to close the window but found that it wasn’t open. Turning around, Clay gasped. On his bed, appearing out of thin air, were Hannah’s tapes.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“No…” Clay exclaimed out loud. “NO!” He yelled, grabbing the walkman and the tapes, he threw them against his wall as hard as he could. They landed with a loud thud, playing the tape inside.

 

_“Hey… It’s Hannah. Hannah Baker… Don’t adjust your… whatever device you’re listening to this on._

Clay leaped across the room to pick up the walkman. 

_“It’s me… Live and in stereo. No return enage-_

He removed the tape and stared at it intently. There was something missing. There wasn’t a scratch on them. Both the walkman and the set of tapes weren’t damaged by any measure despite him throwing them hard enough to put a dent in his wall. What did this mean? Clay had no answers. He desperately needed them but there was nowhere and no one to turn to. Hearing her voice again snapped him back into reality. Back to why he was back in the past. A reminder of what could happen if he should fail. Clay sunk to the floor. What if the tapes were back as a sign that the future hasn’t changed yet. Then a terrifying thought creeped into his head. What if it’s destined to happen? Like Hannah was supposed to die no matter what because fate deemed it so? No, he could not bring himself to think that way. If he lingered any longer on that possibility Clay was sure he would lose his mind.

 

Electing to sleep on it, he laid in his bed hoping to get some rest. No sooner had Clay finally dozed off when he had a nightmare. He saw Hannah in her Winter Formal dress, blood dripping from her wrists. Crying, she was on her knees saying, “Please don’t let me die again.” When Clay reached out to her he woke up, realizing that he was covered head to toe in sweat.

 

The next day, Clay had put his plan in motion. After school was over, he looked around for Justin and caught him before he could make it to Zach’s car. “Hey Justin hold up!” He called out.

Justin turned around in surprise. “What’s up Clay?” he asked. “Nothing much.” Clay said, “Listen can I borrow your phone? I forgot to charge mine and I have to get in touch with my Boss to let him know I can’t make it tonight.”

“Uhh sure. Whatever.” Justin said, handing his phone with indifference. Clay took it and dialed the Crestmont. Letting it ring, one of his coworkers answered and Clay immediately hung up while pretending he was still on the line. “Do you mind?” Clay asked and Justin took a step back. Walking a few feet away by the curb, Clay planted himself near a spot where students skateboarded just outside of the school grounds. They had brought a railing and were practicing a grind. “This is going to hurt.” Clay said to himself.  Loosening his grip on the phone, one of them started grinding on the railing and Clay turned around at the last second, walking right in front of him. “Yo watch out!” Justin cried but it was too late. The skateboarder made a vain attempt to avoid him and collided into Clay’s side with the board, knocking the cell phone out of his hands. It fell onto the concrete and Clay maneuvered his body to land right on top of it with his back. Crushing it with his weight.

 

Holding his hip, Clay groaned. Falling so suddenly knocked the wind out of him. Gasping for air he sat up weakly while the skateboarder was on his feet instantly, having fallen into grass. Leaning down, he pulled Clay up. “Watch where you’re going next time dick-head.” Clay nodded, trying to get his bearings straight.

 

Justin ran up and shoved Clay aside, picking up his ruined phone. “What the hell Clay!?” He yelled.

Seeing the phone, Clay recoiled a few steps backwards. “Oh shit! I’m really sorry… I didn’t see him coming and I was distracted so--” Clay started.

 

“Do me a favor and shut the fuck up okay?” Justin interrupted, fuming with a mixture of rage and annoyance, “Just get out of here” Not saying a word, Clay did what he was told. Despite the stinging sensation in his hip, he was trying very hard not to laugh.

 

—-THE PARTY —

  


Night had finally arrived and so did Kat’s going away party. Feeling confident, Clay was ready to start this rectifying journey and it was going to start at the Hannah’s doorstep. It felt surreal,  walking onto those steps once again, hearing the party music playing loudly within the confines of the Baker’s home. He was on time yet several guests had arrived before him. He remembered this clearly. Kat leaving left a void in the school and in doing so it caused a chain of events that no one could have foresaw but were devastating nonetheless. It was almost funny how one little change could cause such a massive _butterfly effect_. He wondered if any small difference would have been able to change the outcome of the reality he knew to be true, but was determined to transform into a lie. He had to change fate and he would begin by walking into the one place he never thought he’d return to. Pausing to fix his hair, having put product in it like Hannah suggested, Clay had not walked more than 3 feet when he heard Kat and Hannah upstairs call his name.

 

“He came! Clay’s here!” cried out Kat cheerfully, strutting down the stairs while carefully balancing the cup in her right hand. She didn’t spill a drop.

Hannah was following closely next to her, almost as if she was racing to get there first. Clay looked up unsurprised yet delighted, it felt good to see Kat again even if they weren’t the closest of friends. He didn’t have many of those. “Hah! I WIN!” Hannah announced, “You owe me five dollars!”

“You bet on me?” Clay asked.

“Against you…” Kat corrected, “Last party I saw Clay at? Mm, my birthday, fourth grade.”

Clay was slightly annoyed. He remembered how Kat would constantly pressure him to go to the parties she went to or threw which seemed like every other week or two. Saying that he needed to “come out” of his “shell”. But he was the “good kid” aka “Nice-Guy Clay” and she was the one and only Kat aka “the party girl”. “I study on the weekends. In most of my classes, we have a test every Monday. How else am I going to keep up my grades if I’m half-asleep in school?” He thought. But it was a minor complaint. Clay secretly appreciated that someone looked out for him. He and Kat were polar opposites, but they got along and she liked him. Not in a romantic sense, to Clay that was an absolute impossibility. To Kat, Clay was consistent and consistent meant someone who she could count on not to be a jackass like “most boys”. Clay was Clay and he made no apologies for it. Kat liked that about him. At the same time, she knew just how to press his buttons and she got a kick out of making him sweat a little.

“I still remember that clown.” Clay said in a dry response.

 

“Oh, my God. He was a heroin addict. My mother. The social worker hired a recovering heroin addict.” Kat said and Hannah looked at her with wide-eyed curiosity. Clay looked at Hannah, and it occurred to him how cute she appeared. She caught Clay’s stare for a moment, and the latter looked away and back to Kat who lead them into the kitchen. “I just thought he was nervous.” Clay commentated, making Hannah giggle. She greeted a few guests crowding around the rooms as she did. Clay recognized a few of them, some were from the same school and others weren’t. Hannah seemed to ignore them, following Kat while sticking close to Clay’s side. She felt secure with Clay, him being the only one besides Kat that she actually knew. In truth, Clay had similar feelings.

“This is quite a turn out. People are happy to see you go.” Clay said.

 

“I really just threw it so Haan-ah  could finally meet some people before I depart this realm.” Kat said while waving her cup around in a dramatic fashion, as if she was giving a lecture to her two children rather than her two socially awkward friends she was sadly going to leave behind.

 

“I met Helmet.” Hannah said, proudly pointing at Clay who blushed slightly. Kat pretended not to notice. “Clay doesn’t count. You met him at work.” Kat said as a matter of fact.

“I feel like that should count.” Clay said shyly, looking down at his toes. He stole a look at Hannah who smiled in acknowledgment. “Of course you do” Kat said unimpressed.

“Okay refills. Clay what is your drink?” Kat asked.

 _“Umm. Sprite?”_ Clay heard in his mind. He had said this before and Kat almost laughed. She knew Clay too well and had anticipated a response such as this. Clay decided to subvert her expectations.

“Umm beer?”

Kat blinked twice. This was her way of reacting to her version of a shocking moment. Clay wasn’t a beer guy by any stretch of the term, so why the sudden change? Then the answer came to her as painfully obvious the second she caught him glancing at Hannah for a brief second for signs of approval and that’s all she needed.

“Oooh. Little Clay is growing up! I didn’t think this day would come.” Kat said with not so subtle sarcasm. She handed him a bottle and Clay held it in his hands timidly. Kat noticed this and tried to suppress a giggle.

“Don’t worry Clay. It’s not gonna bite you.” Kat said with a playful grin. Clay only glared at her, which made her smile widen. She gave Hannah a bottle as well but she politely refused. “Apparently she wanted to have a clear head tonight”, Clay had thought in his mind. 

Before Clay could make some kind of witty retort to Kat’s sassy comment, Tyler called to her. Reacting immediately, Kat made a pose between he and Hannah, sticking her tongue out of her mouth. Clay had enough time to turn his head so he could look at Tyler. Clay tried not to look directly at the camera or at the closeted peeping tom of the future. He made a mental note to add him to his list of targets in his mission. Kat had gotten distracted by other guests, leaving the two of them alone for the moment.

“Stop having so much fun Clay…” Hannah teased, biting her lip.

“What are you talking about? I’m having the time of my life! Whoot!” exclaimed Clay with more enthusiasm than he intended. The music in the background changed to a song he had heard before at dance parties, although no one was dancing. Then without thinking he took her by the hand and spun her around which she conformed to instinctively. She stared at him wide-eyed with a mixture of shock and amusement.

“Woah! Since when were you into dancing?” She asked flustered.

“I’m full of surprises.” He said. Hannah moved closer to him, causing Clay to stay in place, stiff as a statue. He was about to break a sweat when she reached over and carefully unbuttoned his shirt. Clay got lost in the moment, staring into her eyes. He couldn’t help but flashback to when he kissed her that “night… where we truly connected.” It felt right to Clay, and he couldn’t help but notice that she felt the same way yet not nearly as intense. This was somewhat true, Hannah did feel something. The same feeling she felt when he had said goodbye to her at the Crestmont. She couldn’t necessarily describe it but when he locked eyes there was a connection. Yet she always thought of Clay as only a friend, so where was this coming from? The logical side of her brain seemed to chastise her for even entertaining the thought. Clay Jensen? Liking her? There was no way. Perhaps she was just reading too much into his recent actions. She had a habit of doing so. Electing to compartmentalize the suspicion, Hannah decided to instead focus on living in the moment. Something Kat had encouraged her to put into practice. Hannah was the type of girl to worry about tomorrow and the day after that while the present would slip out of her reach. It’s the type of attitude that would make her so easily agitated by some of the mundane parts of her daily life. “No,” Hannah thought to herself, “That was old Hannah. It’ll be different this time around.”

“You’re too buttoned up.” Hannah commented while proudly looking at her handi-work, pausing to glance at Clay’s chest and while it wasn’t thick with muscle, it was nonetheless toned. She bit her lip again.

Clay turned red and buttoned it up once, Hannah laughed heartily as his fingers clumsily fumbled at the task. This was silenced by a voice that made Clay’s blood boil in a quiet fury he could not explain.

“Hey there.” Bryce said in an almost painfully obvious flirty manner. Clay’s hand clenched into a fist, out of anyone he ever met in the world. Bryce was the one guy he truly hated with a burning passion. To Clay, Bryce was a shark inside a skin suit and he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong. Like every word he said could not be trusted.

“You’re, um, you’re the new girl.” Bryce said, leaning on the table.

“Apparently.” Hannah replied with a touch of sarcasm.

“Uh, I like your laugh.” Bryce responded nervously. “But he wasn’t nervous” Clay thought… He didn’t know how he knew this. He just did.

“Thanks.” Hannah said almost puzzled, “I like your understated sense of fashion.” She said. This was a different side of Hannah Clay was now more in tune with. It was the part of herself she used when she was unsure of the other person’s intentions. For Hannah it made her appear more confident. Although Clay wasn’t sure if deep down she was receptive to Bryce. Or just curious. Either or made Clay uncomfortable.

 

“Bryce! You better go hit the keg, you’re an hour behind.” Kat ordered coldly. Clay thought she couldn’t have walked in at a better time. Bryce shrugged and turned to Hannah, “I’ll see you later, I hope.” With that he walked away quickly into the crowd of high school students.  

 

“Ugh.” Kat said with disgust, “No, solid no Hannah.” She looked at her seriously. Something Kat did rarely. “He’s like frat boy Darth Vader.”

 

“He didn’t seem that bad.” Hannah retorted in annoyance. Kat looked at her, still without her usual playfulness. “I was being kind…” Kat said.

“She kind of was…” Clay agreed. Hannah only glanced at him, seemingly agitated. She looked down and contemplated for a few seconds. “I think I want a beer too…” She said, and before Kat could offer, Hannah walked off. Clay watched her leave until she was out of view. Kat looked at him and then at her before speaking up, “Are you gonna tell her?” She said and the playful gleam in her eyes returned.

“Well… I…” Clay started.

“Oh please, I’ve known you this entire century.” Kat said smugly and took pleasure in being able to read Clay like a book.

 

“I was about to say that I plan to.” Clay declared. His cheeks were burning. She opened her mouth in disbelief.

  
“Wait a minute.” Kat said, “Who are you and what have you done with Clay?” This was unlike the usual “Nice-Guy Clay” she was used to. His cheeks may be blushing like an apple, but he wasn’t kidding.  “Is this a mask?” Kat asked while pinching his cheeks.

 

“Ow! Stop it. It’s me Kat.” Clay said indignantly. He hated it when anyone would pitch his cheeks, and she knew it too. 

“Figure this would be a good time since the gay rumors have just recently subsided.” Clay said.

“Ahh so the stakes are high for you aren’t they?” Kat said.

Stammering, Clay replied. “Around her, I can be the new and improved Clay Jensen: high school sophomore, archaeologist-slash-adventurer ya know?”

Kat sighed, then put her hand on his shoulder. “Clay sweets. You’re a prize. But from my limited observation, she has terrible taste in guys.”

“Not letting that stop me.” Clay said. 

Bewildered, Kat was speechless. “Did Clay’s balls drop just recently?” She thought in her head. She couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t backing down even when she said that the chances were slim. Kat liked new and unpredictable Clay. To her it was a breath of fresh air from the walking doormat she knew for all her life.

 “This is really important to you…” She said as if she was talking to herself.

  
“You could say that.” Clay said. Of all the people he wanted to tell, he wanted to tell Kat what was really going on. Maybe she’ll think it’s crazy, but if she heard the tapes… maybe she’d change her mind.

“Then allow me to be your guide in this expedition into uncharted waters…” Kat said while putting her hands on her hips in a mocking stance.

“You really mean it? Even if you’re leaving?” Clay asked.

“Of course I do…” She said with a wink. “Think of it as an ongoing going away present. Now come on, let’s go find her.”

 

Clay followed Kat through the thickening forest of students filling the house. It was like every kid in Liberty High had come to this party, which was not very surprising, it was Kat after all. Clay then remembered that Justin was to arrive any moment now. This was something he couldn’t help. Then an idea hit him, it would mean he would have to leave the party early but so would they.

 

Excusing himself from Hannah and Kat, Clay walked outside and put his phone down on the wall near the steps, just as Justin and Kach arrived. They both greeted Clay as the latter stepped into the grass. The timing was just right and the sprinkler system activated, breaking into a sprint Clay slipped purposefully on the wet grass, sliding briskly and grabbing Justin by the shirt who yelled startled as Clay dragged him into the lawn .Zach exploded in laughter and shoved Justin back on top of Clay as he scrambled to get up, which made the former laugh harder. Justin whirled around, momentarily forgetting about the person underneath him and wrapped his arms around the bigger boy’s left ankle and tried to drag him down, pulling in a comical fashion. Zach stumbled but kept his footing.

 

“It’s gonna take a lot more than that you little twerp” Zach said chuckling. Clay without thinking, helped Justin and leaped into Zach’s right leg. “No more Mr. Nice-Guy” Clay thought to himself as he hit him in an angle with all his weight.

 

“Oh shit!” Zach cried out surprised as he came tumbling forward. All three were soaking wet caught in a ridiculous wrestling contest, Clay wordlessly teaming up with Justin to overpower Zach who was struggling fiercely to counteract the barrage of limbs locking around his neck and arms. Zach was stronger than both of them, but together he was outmatched. Unable to get up, Zach laid his head down in defeat and the two let go. Justin looked at Clay, “Nice one Jensen.” He said, wiping away grass from his forehead. “Yeah who knew the spaz had it in him” Zach agreed who slowly got to his feet, wobbling slightly while holding his arms out to steady himself. The sprinklers were still spraying wildly.

 

Clay felt exhilarated and had hardly noticed the slow clapping from Kat. Hannah was staring in awe. Not at Zach or even Justin for that matter. She was staring right at Clay, with a hand covering her mouth. Clay smiled at her and she returned it shyly.

 

“Bravo. Liberty High’s star athletes ladies and gentlemen… and Clay Jensen. So impressive” Kat said with a fake sound of enthusiasm.

“Sorry boys. Can’t have you walking into Hannah’s house soaking wet” She said with her authoritative tone that if you were smart knew not to argue with. Clay noticed her eyes on him and he looked away.

“Yo seriously?” Justin asked.

“Oh, my God, look at yourselves.” Kat replied as Justin rolled shirt over his head and tossed it aside, flexing his muscles. “Better?” Justin asked smirking.

“Improvement,for sure, but sorry, it’s still a no-go.” She said, sticking her lower lip out.

“Come on Kat! You know it’s not a party without us!” Zach said grinning.

“Yeah we’ll take our chances. Go dry off and maybe I’ll change my mind. No promises though.” She said.

“Your loss milady.” Justin responded, bending down to pick up his discarded shirt.

“Need a ride Jensen?” Zach offered.

“Nah I’m good” Clay said, “ I’ll air-dry on the bike ride home.”

With that, the the two “star athletes” left. Leaving Clay, still dripping near the porch of Hannah’s steps. Kat turned to Hannah and told her something and she quickly walked back into the house. Clay climbed the steps and looked around for his phone. Scratching his head, he could have sworn that he left it right --

“Looking for something?” Kat asked, waving the phone in her hand.

“Oh thanks Kat” He said while reaching his hand over, only for her to retract her wrist just as he was about to grab it.

“You planned that didn’t you?” She said accusingly.

“Umm… I don’t know what you mean.” Clay replied.

“Oh Clay.  It’s no use playing the innocent card with me. I saw you put down your phone before you practically sprinted out of the door.” Kat said, still withholding the device. She had a sly smile. Clay thought this was her way of investigating new happenings. Kat was a lot of things and one of those things was observant. Without outright saying it, she could tell something was up a mile away. A skill he wished Hannah had. In a sense, Kat had a nose for it. Like a bloodhound. It also helped that she knew Clay well enough to detect when he had some hidden agenda in his pocket. She was sure it wasn’t anything bad. Clay never gave off that vibe. At worst he was awkward and his best he was naturally aloof.

“I… okay yes. I admit it. Happy now?” Clay said without offense in his voice.

“I’m impressed. You’ve really outdone yourself tonight. Mind telling me where this came from?” She said.

“If I did you probably wouldn’t believe it.” Clay responded. The gleam of her eyes lowered and  she stepped closer to him, not breaking eye contact.

“Try me…” she said. That’s when his phone rang.

She smirked, “saved by the bell.” Handing it to him, Clay slid his wet finger across the screen and answered it. It was a good thing he had recently purchased a new case for it. Holding up the phone tentatively to his ear, he heard his Mother do her usual yet slightly embarrassing “check ins”. To her surprise, Clay told her that he was coming home early anyway, using his “project” excuse that had become second nature.

“Any chance I can get a towel?” he asked.

“Not a chance…” Kat retorted. But as she said this Hannah returned with a towel in her hands.

“Helmet…” she said, and Clay took it gratefully. “It’s the least I can do. After all I’m the one who invited you.” Hannah said cheerfully.

After drying his head and hands, he wrapped it around his neck in a makeshift scarf. “I owe you a towel.” Clay said.

“That you do Jensen.” She said. Looking over at Kat, Clay caught her smiling in approval.

 

 

Clay hopped on his bike and waved goodnight. Glancing briefly behind him, he could see Hannah standing with a cup in her hand, watching him. Pedaling as fast as he could despite his damp jeans clinging uncomfortably to his legs. The wind felt incredible as the cool night air splashed on his face. He went down the street, gaining speed slowly at first but once it picked up he might as well have been a bullet shooting down the hill. Clay looked up and shouted, “WHOOOOOOO!!!!”, with the wind screeching in his ears. He felt alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like things are looking up for Clay. If anyone deserves to catch a break... It's this guy. But the story is far from over.  
> What do you guys think is gonna happen next? Let me know in the comments!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And i'm back with a new chapter! Sorry for the wait and its gonna be shorter than you might be used to. But fear not, there's more on the way. These types of things take a while. I am writing at least once to twice a day to get this done faster. I hope you guys enjoy it and please review because feedback is always very much appreciated (-:

Getting home in record time, Clay was still damp but no longer soaked. When he got inside, he  saw that the lamp was still on but his parents had already turned in for the night. Kicking off his shoes and running up the steps, he took a long hot shower. Breathing in the steam, his mind replayed the days events. Everything seemed to go right. It was like a new beginning. His plan although sloppy had worked. Hannah was too shocked by his recent reckless behavior to pay much attention to Justin. If he could stop that, then maybe it’ll cause that butterfly effect he needed. If one thing could cause something to happen, shouldn’t it cause a prevention as well? He seemed to think as much, although he was too tired to analyze it. He climbed into bed and laying his head on the pillow, he saw Hannah’s tapes again. Sitting on his desk and staring at him. Sighing, he switched sides. Clay’s mission was far from over, but it had a good start. Could he at least get a pat on the back without being reminded of failure being a very real possibility? But Clay knew that he couldn’t forget why he was there in the first place. He had the urge to chuckle. Wasn’t that a question for the occasional existential crisis?

 

 _“You literally could manufacture an existential crisis out of thin air. It’s a gift! It’s a true gift.”_ Clay heard Hannah say in a memory not too far gone.

 

Why are we here? Or the classic: “I didn’t ask to be born.” Clay supposed everyone had a purpose. According to Clay nothing was meaningless, not while there was a life to live. He had a lot to live for and it took Hannah dying to realize that. But there was also so much to lose. As much as Clay hated those horrible tapes, he wouldn’t allow himself to get too comfortable in this “timeline”. “Or whatever you call it.” Clay thought to himself while putting on his headphones, putting in tape 2. He laid back and let it play.

 

_“Welcome back… So glad you’re still listening. Are you having fun?_

 

“Yes as a matter of fact I am… Or was…” Clay said to himself. But that was the problem wasn’t it?

 

Hearing Hannah’s voice yet again in the tape felt surreal. It was like she was a different person. Sometimes he liked to distinguish them as if they were different people, but deep down he knew the truth. The Hannah that killed herself was the same Hannah now.

 

 _You must be wondering who’s next and why. What did you do? How did you end up on these tapes? Maybe you did something cruel. Or maybe you just watched it happen. Maybe you didn’t even realize you were being cruel_ …

 

Justin, Alex, Jessica, Courtney, Zach, Marcus, Ryan, Bryce and the list went on. The names repeated themselves in his head. The people that each had a hand in pushing Hannah to do what she did.

 

_Maybe you didn’t do anything at all. Maybe you should have… Too late._

 

That person was him. He was too late. But he couldn’t be. Not again.

 

I t _hink you know exactly what you did. After these tapes, you’ll never forget it. I know I won’t. Oh and by the way… I’m still dead._

That last part made him sit up. What if she was “still dead”. What if the reason why the tapes were still around was because it was still going to happen. The idea made Clay feel sick. What if all he was doing was changing **how** it happened instead changing the outcome? Was it inevitable?

 

_By the way… I’m still dead._

 

\---

 

After what felt like a century the last of the guests left her home, leaving only Kat and Hannah for clean up duty. It didn’t take as long as she thought it would, she moved on auto-pilot, her mind preoccupied with the days events. For once, Hannah was grateful that her parents took the night out, if they ever found out that there was beer available at her first house-party, it would most likely be her last. To that end, she and Kat were careful and paid attention to every detail so there wasn’t even a whiff of alcohol in the air.  If Hannah were to describe her parents, she would say they were overprotective or just plain inattentive. Olivia and Andy Baker were more concerned about keeping up their line of business then Hannah’s life outside the house. To them everything she experienced, good or bad was just a part of growing up. It’s not that they were completely negligent, they were loving and supported Hannah the best they could. However the Baker’s had made a habit of separating their personal affairs from hers and at times Hannah wished this wasn’t the case. Kat liked to think that the whole thing was her idea but the truth was it was Hannah’s from the start. She had come out of her shell to throw this party practically all on her own which was contrary to her nature as something of an introvert. She didn’t like to admit to it though, to Hannah, categorizing anyone based off a label was stupid. Nonetheless Hannah appreciated using Kat as a “life-hack”, without her she believed the party wouldn’t have gone as well as it did. It certainly gave her a chance to meet all sorts of her would be classmates. The only one that had gone even remotely sideways was meeting Bryce. Kat wasn’t the only one who got a bad vibe off the guy, she had too but she chose to ignore it. After all, you can’t judge a book by its cover right? Hannah figured that she would ask Kat why Bryce seemed to be a no-go but this wasn’t what weighed on her mind. Of all people, it was the one she thought she knew best that seemed the most strange: Clay Jensen. Kat seemed to be able to read her mind and she was the first to break the silence.

 

“Something on your so-called mind?” Kat inquired. She was leaning on the arm of the couch and her hand was on her cheek, propping her head up.

 

“Was I that obvious?” Hannah asked

 

“No not at all.” Kat said and smirked. Hannah rolled her eyes. No use hiding it now.

 

“What do you think of Clay?” Hannah asked.

 

“Isn’t that the question of the day…” Kat said, her eyes gleamed that familiar shine although her tone of voice didn’t change its pitch.

 

“Well…?” Hannah asked again with her hands twirling her hair strands mindlessly.

“I think he’s a gem and an acquired taste. But you gotta love him for it.” Kat said. There was no lack of sincerity.

 

“He seemed different tonight.” Hannah said.

 

“Could be hormones? At least that’s how your parents like to put it.” Kat replied.

 

“I don’t think so… He’s been acting different recently.” Hannah commented.

 

“Really? How so?” Kat asked inquisitively.

 

“Well… It’s hard to explain. When he saw me at school today, it was like he saw a ghost. Then at the Crestmont, he acted like he hadn’t seen me in a long time. Even though we practically see each other every day.” Hannah explained.

 

“Huh that is strange…” Kat said quietly, the gleam in her eyes lowered. She seemed to be on the border of entering deep thought. Again, something Hannah noticed as unlike Kat to do but she dismissed it.

 

“Do you think he might…” Hannah paused. She wasn’t sure she was asking the right question. The idea of it seemed ridiculous. But yet, it was all she could think of.

 

“Like you?” Kat finished.

 

Hannah shrugged, pretending to act less interested than she was. But this was a flimsy front at best. She expected Kat to laugh at her. But she didn’t. Kat kept that thoughtful expression on her face, as if she was thinking things over.

 

“Maybe you should find out?” Kat said.

 

“How?” Hannah asked. They were friends and this was the first time she dealt with this type of situation. She had boys chase after her before… But they never had hidden their feelings like this. To her Clay was a mystery or a conundrum. Clay wasn’t the type of person to open up easily. He was like her in that sense. The only person that she did that with was Kat, although for some reason she felt that Kat knew more about this subject then she let on.

 

“Hannah sweety, every girl has their ways. You just have to find yours, like I did.” Kat said proudly.

 

“But you’ve known him longer…” Hannah said, raising an eyebrow.

 

“True. But if you can’t get on without me then I’ve failed as a mentor.” said Kat as she pulled her shoes on.

“Come on…” Hannah pouted.

 

“Sorry, no free rides. Besides, you’re friends. What’s the worst that can happen?” Kat said and headed for the door.

 

Hannah paused. She hated that question, because it made her think of all the possible ways things could go wrong if she wasn’t careful. As much as Hannah hated to admit it, she was the type to get her panties in a bunch over these kinds of things.In her head, she had taken some offense to Kat’s response to her worries and there was some part of her that sensed Kat was holding something back. At times, it was one aspect of Kat’s personality that irritated her, but yet at the same time she knew that Kat never meant any harm by it. It was just her nature just as it was Hannah’s to be anxious over little details most people ignore. Yet despite it, Hannah was in no mood to pursue the subject any further. She was tired and as badly as she wanted to sleep in she couldn’t due to having promised Kat that she would help with her pack the last of her items for temporary storage in the moving van. Hannah had suggested that they call her friends to help, but Kat had refused. When Hannah asked why, Kat explained that she didn’t want them helping out of a sense of obligation. “Besides, they all know i’m leaving. If they wanted to help they could just show up.” Kat had said unapologetically. Hannah then asked curiously if that included Justin, to which Kat only shrugged her shoulders. Apparently, the boy she was leaving behind was already fading into a distant memory. Hannah couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. From what little she knew about him, he was head over heels for her for the longest time. She could only imagine what it would be like if the roles were reversed and she was in his shoes. In a way she understood Kat’s perspective. It was just high school puppy love to her. She thought Justin was sweet, and “sexy” when it counted. But the move had an impact on their relationship. To Kat, there was no point in continuing where they left off because her life was changing direction and she had no intention of coming back to the place she grew up. Kat was free spirited and Hannah admired that. She could take on the world and no one would be able to tie her down, romance be damned.

 

“I guess you’re right.” Hannah agreed.

 

“Of course I’m right.” Kat said while reaching over to pull Hannah into a hug. “See you tomorrow.” she kissed Hannah on the cheek and promptly turned around to walk off into the darkness of the night.

 

Checking her phone, Hannah saw that it was twenty-five til midnight. Hannah supposed that most parties lasted a lot longer than that, but she was a “good girl” and that was something she didn’t take much interest in. To her, a fun party was a fun party. Why overthink it? But it wasn’t the party Hannah was dwelling on. For the first time Hannah saw Clay in a different light, and it intrigued her. Perhaps it was the feeling she was getting that she couldn’t explain. There was some sort of connection they had between them and she couldn’t deny it. It was familiar in a way where she felt like she was bracing herself in anticipation for something. Like something needed to happen and it was exciting. If Clay did like her, this changed everything. Moving to Liberty High was a chance for a fresh start. Maybe Clay of all people could be a step in the right direction for her. If this was a theory, it had to be tested. Upon reaching this decision, Hannah was hit with a wave of exhaustion and resolved to investigate the matter further later. It wasn’t long before she pulled the blankets over her body and almost instantly fell asleep before being sucked into a terrible nightmare that felt eerily too real. As if she was reliving a memory.

 

It was the dead of night and it was cold. But she hardly felt it because she was in a hot tub and was afraid. More than she had been in her entire life. Despite the cool breeze on her face, Hannah was perspiring heavily.  She was cornered and trapped. There was an obscene sense of helplessness that was sickening and death seemed to be a better alternative than to stay where she was. When she tried to move, her limbs felt as if they weighed 50 pounds like some fear-induced paralysis. A pair of hands wrapped around her shoulders, squeezing with a vice-like grip that bruised her skin. Hannah grunted loudly in pain as her face was forced into the wet concrete.

 

 _“Relax… We’re just having fun…”_ were the words that echoed in her brain as Hannah awoke nearly screaming.


End file.
